!3 months is a long time to do something so difficult and painful, and I salute your successful efforts.
I have at least witnessed how people committed to the program suffer also with things such as physical pain (and unbelievable emotional pain) at countless meetings. While my own situation with alcohol may be debatable, those were meetings I attended with my ex-wife, 30 years ago. (Her situation was not debatable, as she sent me to the hospital twice.) I've seen that pain you describe in many people's eyes.
Like yourself, I've dealt with both the physical pain of a spine ravaged by scoliosis and the emotional pain of being an abused child (in a household that has worshipped an older brother every second of his life.) Now that they realize they created a monster, they depend on me for their very lives, but still worship his every attack and screaming match, as he works toward my mother's death, at which time he gets her house. If my father is living at that time, I will never see him again,, despite our childhood issues of physical and emotional abuse being largely resolved. I salute you largely because the pain simply never ends, and we never really become used to it. I can't even begin to imagine your strength, but it has to be almost superhuman.
No, it's not easy to live your life numb, but it can be easier, though so much of life, and people, can be missed. With me it was being stoned pretty much 24/7/365, but I think maybe I do understand your situation. Because, both alcohol and weed do kill pain, both physical and emotional, for you to choose to feel the pain instead of submit to alcohol is incredibly courageous of you.
I wish you all the success you deserve, and I'd guess that's a lot.
(FWIW, Delta 8, a largely benign form of hemp lacking THC has been a godsend for the pain. It's far milder than weed, and is 100% legal in most states. Here is a comment on the topic I posted to a story by the great James Finn. I'm not suggesting this is the answer you need, but it may be worth considering. (Even the US government doesn't consider it a drug: https://foofaraw.medium.com/for-those-in-need-of-weed-for-medical-purposes-but-do-not-live-in-a-state-when-there-is-access-9ed64e35a4c1
Thank you for sharing your strength. No reply is expected, due to the painful nature of the topic, but I welcome any comment you may wish to post.
