I've studied race a bit on race, and read the book-version 1619 Report until I reached the point about the young woman purchased for breeding who finally refused, and had to kill the monster who had been raping her for years.

When I reached the point that described her fate I broke down in tears in the middle of a medical waiting room.

I need to finish the book, but at this point I haven't the strength. Guilt I have, but not the strength.

You commitment is clear in your writing. (If you're interested, you can find my articles on race on Medium.)