James,

It's hard, yes. But it's not the end.

First and foremost, do NOT let the pain or the meds make you feel you've become insane. Both CAN and WILL do that.

And when tasks you may have once felt to be at least partially enjoyable become an almost insurmountable degree of tedium....that's quite likely simply a re-routing of the neural pathways, not a change in yourself. It's a more or less expected part of this "journey".

You have my email. (Because I trust you.)

It's scary, but I (and no doubt) countless others love and respect you, James.