The Gee! Oh! Pee! Economic Strategy to Promote MAGA
Translation: The GOP Economic Strategy to Promote Making America Goofy Always
Holiest His Daughter-In-Law Lara Trump,
Below you will find our multi-step plan for dealing with the American economy in a manner that will guarantee us the most votes for our Most Glorious, Handsome, Bestest Ever Golfer, Despotic Ruler Donald Jenius Trump in the 2024 erection. (What we internally refer to as “The Final Trumpdown”.)
Step 1 — Eliminate all possible taxes on America’s richest people, including corporations.
Step 2 — Stock the Supreme Court with followers of the prosperity gospel.
Step 3 — Allow unlimited political donations.
Step 4 — Allow corporations to operate with zero restrictions or oversight.
Step 5 — Ignore climate change.
Step 6— Train the public to plant the seeds of their own destruction.
STEP 7— Pray for economic disaster.
STEP 8— When we succeed…Blame Biden!
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You’ll notice I put the TL:DR at the beginning, for obvious reasons. But just in case anyone may be more comfortable with reading entire paragraphs:
Step 1 — Eliminate all possible taxes on America’s richest people, including corporations (Thanks, Citizens United!!!) Obviously, it’s difficult to make money when it’s necessary to spend money. (At least that’s what our joke-economist, Arthur Laffer, claims.) Hopefully our plan to require all production materials to be provided free of charge by suppliers can begin immediately after the 2024 erlection. (Note to self: What to say if anyone asks about suppliers also being corporations? Ask them “Why do you love communism?!” That should be enough to get us through November.)
Step 2 — Stock the Supreme Court with followers of the prosperity gospel. Just like stocking a pond with baby fish, and for much the same reason.
Step 3 — Allow unlimited political donations. By donating directly (but mostly indirectly) to politicians at every level in what has basically become an unrestricted manner, politicians will now know precisely on which side their bread is buttered on. (Busy politicians will be grateful to know exactly who to ignore, who to respond to, and in just what sequence.)
Step 4 — Allow corporations to operate with zero restrictions or oversight. Does the EPA want American air, water and soil to remain capable of sustaining life? Not gonna happen! It’s also necessary to raise the retirement age to create a larger (and cheaper) workforce. and to allow children to operate dangerous factory machinery. And if a corporation can generate profits by selling secret military technology to our enemies? Guess what! China, North Korea and Russia have paid $454,000,000 for blue checkmarks, and are therefore now longer our enemies!
Step 5 — Ignore climate change. Repeat after me: “If climate change was real, God would have already fixed it.” What is real? Corporate profits, if we get America to ignore climate change.
Step 6— Teach the public to plant the seeds of their own destruction. As long as Trump’s beloved “undereducated” watch Fox News, this is already covered 110% (at least.) We need to continue to have ignorant people ranting nonsense and lies all across the UST.
STEP 7— Pray for economic disaster. Obviously, the far-right doesn’t care about the economy. Slightly paraphrasing the words of Dick Cheney, deficits don’t matter…unless Democrats are in charge. The recent discovery that corporate greed is responsible for more than half (53%) of the current level of inflation is something Fox viewers will never know. (Besides, since God gave us Trump we must assume that absolutely nothing is off-limits.)
STEP 8— When we succeed…Blame Biden! Even though we have everything we wanted, we want more! The result of us getting all we’ve demanded is (of course!) a reaming of the consumer as has rarely been observed in all of recorded history. So of course it’s necessary to distance ourselves from each and every one of these actions by BLAMING BIDEN, the one person who has actually done the most to prevent exactly this theft that we right-wingers have so successfully (and proudly) orchestrated. (More of those little gas pump stickers would be great, but perhaps less wordy.)
Thank you all, and remember to continue to discourage any questions that can’t be answered by, “Person, man, woman, camera, TV.”
